I just had what might be the Mondayest conversation in the history of history.

It kind of blew my mind. And not in a good way. In fact, I’m not sure I can remain friends with the converser after this.

I almost called him a conversant, but thank goodness I double-checked myself.  (Because accuracy. I never want to be that person who uses a word incorrectly. I hate that person.) According to the dictionary, a conversant is a person who has knowledge of or experience with a given subject. As you will see, he clearly does not.

So, here’s how it went.

HIM: When is Cinco de Mayo?

ME: *looking mildly confused and not entirely sure how to answer* It’s a Saturday.

HIM: *checks calendar* OK, so this weekend. April twenty-eighth.

ME: *looking quite confused* No.

HIM: You meant NEXT weekend. *checks calendar again* So that makes it Saturday, May fifth.

ME: Yes. Cinco de Mayo is May fifth.

HIM: *jotting something in calendar* Cool. Gotta plan ahead for those margs.

ME: You know cinco de Mayo actually means fifth of May. *In my head, “Are you kidding me right now???”*

HIM: *looks up blankly*

ME: Right? *In my head, “Apparently not kidding.”*

HIM: Oh, interesting. So it’s always May fifth, like Christmas.

ME: *mental facepalm* Um, I guess.

HIM: So, we’re meeting for Cinco de Mayo margaritas on May fifth, yeah?

ME: I already have plans.

SMDH. I simply cannot have a Cinco de Mayo Margarita with somebody who legit had no idea that Cinco de Mayo is literally May 5.


This converser does not deserve a margarita. Ever. Again.

This thought bubble often floats over my head. Have you seen it?

I, however, have earned one (pitcher) for outwardly keeping my cool. I am once again thankful that visible thought bubbles are not a thing.

PS This conversation was not with Match1 or the ex or any potential date. (See Cat’s dating download) That would be a deal-breaker for sure.