I want a new goal.

And for some odd reason, my brain thinks that sentence is the perfect reason to loop Huey Lewis and the News. One guess what song. If you’re my age this will be a no-brainer.

There. Now we all have an earworm. You’re welcome. (Yes, I thought about reworking the lyrics, but couldn’t come up with anything good. Weird Al Yankovic I am not.)

Anyway. Back to my goal. The new one. Actually, the new new one.

Tanita delivered a reality check today. There is no way I will make the new goal I set in June — a total of 48 pounds down from my original weight by my 43rd birthday.

While I am disappointed in myself, I’m not surprised. I pretty much knew this was coming. I’ve been struggling for months, yo-yoing the same 5 to 7 pounds.

I feel like I need to write my goal a “Dear John” letter.

Dear Goal,

I’m just not that into you. It’s not you. It’s me. Well, maybe it’s you, too.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t live with you any longer.

Fondly but frustrated,

Me

The doc and I were talking today, and he suggested a try a different kind of goal. Something with a reward at the end — treat.

He heard me shake his treat bag and wanted to make sure it was legit before coming downstairs.

He heard me shake his treat bag and wanted to make sure it was legit before coming downstairs.

I have been known — on more than one occasion — to reward myself with food. I guess I channel my inner Figaro. That boy is verrrrry treat driven. It might be his inner dog. (So I’m channeling my inner cat who is channeling his inner dog. That’s not weird at all.)

Alas, I am a human. I should not be motivated by food. I’m supposed to be a bit more complex than that.

I already know I have a problem with emotional eating. I’m working on it. Actively. But that’s for another post.

Right now I need to figure out a new goal, but I could use a little help.

Doc suggested I come up with some kind of activity or adventure, something that will be easier or more comfortable for me when I’m carrying less mass.

51 signI’ve already decided that the number should be 51. Why 51? Easy. It’s more than 50.

Doc suggested hiking the Grand Canyon or something like that. Nah gah da. Hiking holds no appeal for me. Never really has.

So the suggestions on the table are:

  • Swim with the dolphins at Dolphinaris (I don’t want to hear it, haters. The dolphins are here and I believe they are in wonderful hands. Plus I’ve always wanted to swim with dolphins.)
  • Hot air balloon ride
  • Spa massage
  • Disney day
There are some very good reasons for GoFundMe accounts. I don't think me rewarding myself for losing weight is one of them.

There are some very good reasons for GoFundMe accounts. I don’t think me rewarding myself for losing weight is one of them.

I’m open to other ideas, particularly ones that won’t traumatize my AmEx. Poor thing is coping with a great deal of stress. She runs and hides under the bed every time she sees me on Amazon. To ease her mind, I considered starting a GoFundMe. The thought lasted about a nanosecond. I don’t think I could actually do it. Not for this.

I will, however, ask for suggestions and moral support. I could use a cheering section. (Oh, to be back in Pinklandia where everybody cheers for everybody for no reason at all. I <3 that bubble of goodness.)

SMART GoalsDoc reminded me about SMART goals — specific, measurable, attainable, recorded, timely.

The old new goal was all of those things, but I just couldn’t — wouldn’t? — make myself do it. Whatever lit a fire under my ass before is nowhere to be found now.

Doc suggested the problem with my old new goal was that it was just numbers. As he put it, nobody really celebrated numbers except for mathematicians and engineers. They adore numbers. I am neither of those things.

I see his point. And I can see where I might have gone wrong. Well, not wrong. I don’t think there is a wrong here.

“It’s a journey,” he said as I was leaving. And, of course, he’s right. I’ve written about U-turns and switchbacks. All kinds of travel-y analogies.

I suppose that puts me on a dark dirt road, trying to find my way back to the freeway. I know the entrance is here somewhere!

So, to recap. The goal is 51 pounds. And to clarify, that’s a grand total — 51 down from my original weight. (That’s 30 down from where I weighed in today.)

41.18%  21 of 51

 

I’m thinking the timeline is Jan. 3. I believe that will be the first available appointment for a weigh-in, in case you were wondering. (There is a method to my madness. Sometimes.) That that’s 30 pounds in a little more than three months, two of which include holidays that tend to be quite a bit about eating. I might have to rethink that a bit, but it’s a good place to start. Ambitious but doable.

Now I need to come up with the reward part and maybe some check-in points along the way.

Like I said earlier, suggestions are welcome.

Please and thank you.