A year ago I made a decision and embarked on a journey that led to me disclosing things about myself that I thought I’d never tell anyone, let alone my friends, my coworkers, everyone I’ve ever met and the entire internet.

Life has been interestingly mundane since then. I’ve been fan-freaking-tastic, meh, pretty damn good, OK, so-so, awful, morose, amazing, depressed, inspired — you name it, I’ve been it. Like I said. Interestingly mundane. That’s the nature of life most of the time is it not?

When I decided to go to SWLC, I had a goal. I wanted to lose 42 pounds by my 42nd birthday.

I did it!

derailedAnd then I undid it. Basically I derailed myself and couldn’t find a way to get back on track.

I made other goals after achieving that first one, but only half-heartedly. While I’m not exactly back where I started, I kind of am. Not weight-wise. I’m overall still down, just not as down as I was. (Weight, I think, is the only time that one can say, “I’m down,” and mean it as a good thing.)

me in ChinaAfter an adventurous year (I went to China, y’all. China! It’s the most adventurous I’ve ever been.), I might be ready to start again. Maybe.

I know what to do. I know how to do it. Execution? Not so much. My problem seems to be motivation. I don’t have any.

I never really figured out what lit the fire under my ass last year. I think that’s just how these things works. Suddenly you’re ready. And you know you’re ready. And — to borrow Nike’s tagline — you just do it. (Or not.)

matchI need that fire and for the life of me, I cannot find a match. Or a lighter. Or even two sticks to rub together.

I’d like to think I’ve left the past where it belongs. At the same time, I’m not sure I ever can.

My past is part of who I am and who I have yet to become. I think that’s true of everyone. We are all works in progress.

I don’t have to let my past define me the way I did for so long. But everything I’ve ever experienced – wonderful or terrible – is a piece of the mosaic that is me. And not just everything, but everyone, too.

Most of the time when I write, I have something specific to say. It might come out kind of stream-of-consciousness style, but I have a general idea where I’m going.

That’s not really the case today. year

I just realized while driving to work that it’s May, and a year is a milestone. Or maybe it’s just a convenient measurement of time. Sometimes it’s both.